Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Mommy, where is your hair?

12 30 2007

We all slept well last night and late into the morning. Jared came bouncing in around 8:30 this morning and I think that was the first that anyone even stirred since last night. Sleep has become a valuable commodity around here so it was particularly nice to sleep in. Leslie wore her sleeping cap for the first time last night. She was afraid that the stubble would fall out and make a mess on the pillow. As it turns out, it was too warm and she had to take it off so she could cool off and sleep. The stubble stayed in just fine. Even though her hair is falling out it does it in a way we hadn't anticipated. Since it has been cut so short there isn't enough weight to pull it completely out. The short little stubbles fall from the root but stay attached by the skin. When she lays on her head it feels like hundreds of little needles sticking back into her head. There's something your average Joe/Jo doesn't get to feel everyday. Guess it's a new meaning to being on pins and needles. (Oh go ahead, you wanna laugh....)

Leslie didn't feel well this morning so we took things easy. I made breakfast and we got to just hang around the house and relax. Leslie looks great in her new 'do, it is amazing how someone can be so beautiful in a crew cut, she just looks like a million bucks though!

This afternoon Jared and Leslie went down for naps. Jared got up around 4:30 but Mommy stayed in bed. It's been the 3rd day after chemo that really kicks her butt so it wasn't a big surprise. Mommy slept most of the day today and went to bed at 9:30 for the night. She feels terrible, her hair fell out and she's got cramps from another of God's great gifts to womanhood.

Probably best to stay in bed all day.

Monday, January 14, 2008

Take Care of Yer Friends by Baxter Black (The card from Eric)

Take Care Of Yer Friends
by Baxter Black

Friend is a word that I don’t throw around
Though it’s used and abused, I still like the sound.
I save it for people who’ve done right by me
And I know I can count on if ever need be.

Some of my friends drive big limousines
Own ranches and banks and visit with queens.
And some of my friends are up to their neck
In overdue notes and can’t write a check.

They’re singers or ropers or writers of prose
And others, God bless ‘em, can’t blow their own nose!
I guess bein’ friends don’t have nothin’ to do
With talent or money or knowin’ who’s who.

It’s a comf’terbul feelin’ when you don’t have to care
‘Bout choosin’ your words or bein’ quite fair
‘Cause friends’ll just listen and let go on by
Those words you don’t mean and not bat an eye.

It makes a friend happy to see your success.
They’re proud of yer good side and forgive all the rest
And that ain’t so easy, all of the time
Sometimes I get crazy and seem to go blind!

Yer friends just might have to take you on home
Or remind you sometime that you’re not alone.
Or ever so gently pull you back to the ground
When you think you can fly with no one around.

A hug or a shake, whichever seems right
Is the high point of givin’, I’ll tellya tonight,
All worldly riches and tributes of men
Can’t hold a candle to the worth of a friend.

Good-bye hair




Today is a rough day.

I know we've had some pretty darned amazing things happen to us recently and I truly am grateful for these blessings. I have not forgotten them either. Today just sucks.

Leslie started losing her hair this morning and it came out in larger and larger quantities as the day progressed. Good thing she had it cut short before today. Even though we knew it was coming and we laughed and joked about it before hand, it is a pretty horrible thing to experience. Leslie started out by running her fingers through it and showing me that 10 or more hairs were coming out pretty easily. Later tonight she was reaching up and pulling at it, surprisingly gently, and having a tuft of hair in her hand (See first photo, she just kept sliding her hand through her hair and got this big ol' ball o' hair. Fun, huh?). Even though we never actually got to a bald spot we decided it would be a good time to go ahead and shave it down to the nubs. Since Jared had a difficult time when Leslie got it cut from long to short we decided that we'd better be pro-active and let him be a part of the barbering. We dug out the electric shears and plopped her in the middle of the kitchen. With Jared standing by we started out at the back and worked toward the front, buzzing along and taking her hair into a style that any U.S. Marine would be proud of. Hoorah, Mommy is a fighting cancer and has the right hair style to get the job done. Jared couldn't care less. He was off to play with Pizza Elmo, he didn't care about Mommy getting a hair cut at all. Sure worked out well to be pro-active, huh?

We got done and Leslie went downstairs to shower. It had to feel good to get all of that hair off. I let Jared go play for a bit and it finally hit me. This is real, it's scary and it is absolutely NO fun at all. I sat on the couch and cried. My wife was losing her hair and it hurt her. She has cancer and is scared and she isn't herself and she doesn't have any strength for 4 days after chemo and this sucks. It really sucks a lot. I sat there on the couch and cried like a baby. I cussed God, I felt helpless and I felt sick to my stomach for not being able to do anything to help the woman that I love. And I cried some more. Jared came back in and I told him that Daddy had sneezed and needed to wipe his eyes and his nose. I know, it's not the truth but do you really think a 3 year old needs to understand cancer, pain and all of this? I didn't think so. It felt good to cry but it hurt again when I felt I had to lie to Jared. Damned spiral of joy, huh?

I have been trying very hard lately to strengthen my relationship with God but I still feel betrayed by Him. I know that I'm wrong, I understand that, but I haven't gotten over the hump yet. Thankfully God is above me in the forgiveness chain, I'd be in far worse shape without Him. I'll get there, don't worry, but it's taking some time. I'm sure I'll come out at the end of this with a far greater relationship so I guess it's another one of those things that I can't understand but I'll appreciate later. Getting kind of tired of learning things this way. I'm thinking that a map might be easier but I don't think that will happen. Guess we'll all have to take some wrong turns along the way in order to find our way home.

The chemo started to take its toll tonight too. Leslie is feeling pretty tired and pretty weak after her shower. It's time for bed so I hope that tomorrow is a much better day. It'll be day 3 after chemo, probably gonna be a crappy cancer day but at least I've got a family that I love to take care of.


Sunday, January 13, 2008

Tex

So we had a pretty fantastic morning and sure don't deserve a day any better than we've had today. Good friends and family will make you feel like a million bucks anytime. What could be better?

Glad you asked.

As we're driving back to Cheyenne from having lunch with Eric, Diane and Memphis and feeling absolutely on top of the world we get a phone call from my friend Dan. We didn't have the phone in the little cell phone holder so we actually heard it ring this time. Dan wants to stop by and visit around 3pm. Sounds great, we'll have time to get home and get Jared down for a nap so this should work out just right. Jared will need his sleep because he's got the hots for Dan's daughter Danielle. She's 13 and the apple of Jared's eye. Poor Dani just smiles at the boy and he's all twitterpated, it's so cute it's nearly sad.

We boogie on up the highway and get to the house, get boy put down for his nap and dive into the newspaper to catch up on the world. Around 3:15 Leslie sees a figure moving up the front steps. She gets up as the doorbell rings and there stands a young man that looks vaguely familiar but she doesn't recognize him. He asks if I am home and she says "Yes he is, come on in". He says he'd just like to talk to me and stays on the porch. I go to the door and see this young guy standing there, dressed in western clothes, wearing a cowboy hat and I wonder which rodeo I might know him from. He looks at me and says

"Are you my daddy?"

Yep, that's what he said. No kidding, no exaggeration, no lie.

I replied, about half stunned

"I don't think so..............."

Just as my mind is racing to figure out exactly who this kid is I see movement over his right shoulder and hear a voice in the background. At the same time as the voice is starting in the background I hear the young man say "I'm Tex's oldest boy"
Dagnabbit TEX! YOU S.O.B.! Ya had to drive a thousand miles from Greenville, TX but you got me, you dirty rotten sonofagun!

I'm standing face to face with Travis Phillips, oldest son of Terry "Tex" Phillips and his lovely wife, Melissa. I haven't seen them in more than a dozen years and this is how they show back up. Pretty good once you step out of the shock and realize that you've been had. Tex, Melissa, Travis and Austin have all made the trip up from Texas to visit with Melissa's brothers that live out towards Horse Creek and figured that they oughta stop by and visit. Man, oh man, was it good to see them. And they brought Dan and his family too! Dan, aka Pup, his wife Deneen and their daughter, Danielle are rolling with laughter as they cross the street. Tex and his family are rolling as they make their way up the sidewalk and I'm still standing there with my jaw on the ground.

It's good to have friends!

We sit around and visit and catch up for the next few hours. Leslie has heard of Tex and his family but I didn't think I'd have a chance to have them all in the same state any time soon.

What a great day!

After visiting for a bit we decide to head out to dinner. Tex tells me that since he read my blog about Leslie they knew that they had to come up for Christmas and take us out for dinner. He says it sounded like we could use it. He was right. Of course, we're always ready to visit with good friends and dinner at Texas Roadhouse so this was a double bonus for us. (Does it seem odd that you would drive a thousand miles from Greenville, TX to Cheyenne, WY and then decide that Texas Roadhouse would be right for dinner?)

After dinner and a few dozen stories from the "Good Ol' Days" we figured that the only person that we hadn't seen was my friend Chuck. A hundred years ago it was Chuck, Pup, Tex and I terrorizing the town of Cheyenne. Tex moved away, Pup moved away, I moved away and Chuck stayed. In the last year, Pup moved back and I moved back. Life comes full circle when you're not looking. Since we hadn't let Chuck or his wife, Ricki, in on the fact that Tex was back we figured we probably ought to have a little fun with that one too.

We all roll up in front of the Griswald's house (aka Chuck and Ricki, with help from daughter Kimberly) and take our positions. Chuck and Ricki's house is a full fledged light and sound show for the holidays. Christmas and Halloween are absolutely events to behold on their front lawn. I should know, we stop by every year to check out the lights. With Jared able to grasp some of what's happening we make the trip by their house a couple of times each year. That little boy just loves all the lights and Chuck and Ricki do NOT disappoint.

Years ago when Chuck was stationed somewhere in the deep south he learned a term that the locals use to describe a location. Any location. Yonder is the word and the joke that came back with Chuck is that all he really wanted to find while he was in the south was exactly where in the heck "Yonder" was. Ok, not a terribly funny joke but it makes us giggle.

I tell you that so I can set up the following transaction that takes place on the front steps of Chuck's house. Travis, my long lost son, saunters up to the house and rings the doorbell. Kimberly answers the door and Travis asks for Chuck. Somehow Travis has asked Kimberly to ask Chuck if he knows where "Yonder" is. (Look, it had US rolling on the snow....)
Chuck shows up at the door, looking more than a little perplexed, as Tex walks around the backside of his car. Handshakes, hugs and a lot of "Man, I haven't seen you in forever" later we all decide to call it a night. A really fantastic night.

The end to an amazing day and one that will remind me for years of exactly how lucky, how blessed and how loved my family and I are.

Merry Christmas to all.

Friday, January 11, 2008

Eric 2

I've already told you about my friend Eric. He is a terrific friend and a good man and I am proud to know him. His wife and daughter are waaaay too good for him though. I talked to Eric a couple days ago and he said that he and his family would like to meet with my family before Christmas. As he explained it, they had been working on a project for a couple of weeks and wanted to give it to us before Christmas. I figured that a chance to visit with a good friend would be a darn good Christmas present to all of us.

Today is the 23rd of December, two days before Christmas and it's a pretty solemn time around the Land household. We've been spending money at a pretty fantastic rate going to see Dr's and all of that good stuff that needs to be done in order to kill Bob and make cancer a thing of the past. It seems as though every time we drive past a Doctors office we drop a hundred dollar bill. I know it is the right thing to do, heck, it's the ONLY thing to do but it is still rather depressing. My work has been very slow lately and we have even had the building shut down early so the paychecks haven't been full for a while. Between taking extra days off to care for Leslie and having the job shut us down early I haven't seen a full paycheck since mid-October. The way I figure it, my paychecks have been about a wash with what we've been spending between Dr. visits and medicines lately. That has left us living on Leslie's paychecks so it's been rough but far from impossible. For Christmas presents this year Leslie and I took some names from the Salvation Army tree at work. I got to buy some gifts for a 5 year old boy and she got to buy gifts for a 7 year old girl. Merry Christmas! I have to tell you, it felt REALLY good to do that. We got some things for a certain 3 year old boy named Jared, of course, but we decided that we could forgo having presents for each other. We'd spend our money on Dr's and medicine and have a Merry Christmas for many years to come. Good deal to me!

We load up in the car and head down to Fort Collins to meet with Eric and his family. We're cruising down the road and finally wonder why we haven't heard from Eric yet. He left his house early and was already in Fort Collins about the time we crossed the Wyoming/Colorado border so he was going to find a good place to eat and call us to let us know where to go. As Leslie picked up the phone to call him it was buzzing and ringing. We laughed when we figured out that we couldn't hear the phone when it was in the little cell phone holder. Ooops. Eric had already passed us going northbound to our southbound and was in Wellington. He told us where to meet them so we flipped around and headed back towards across our tracks. We slide as we pull onto the ice sheet parking lot and slide over to the restaurant. Yeps, it's gonna be a white Christmas this year!

After exchanging hugs and hand shakes and "Oh My God, he/she has grown soooo much's" we sit down and order things up for lunch. It's always a pretty good time when we get together but it is particularly nice this time around. We've been needing to get out of the house and visit with friends and the Myrick's sounded like they needed it too.

We visit a while and pass the time as lunch waits to arrive. Eric leans over and hands me a Christmas card and, with that crooked grin of his, says that this is what he and Diane had been working on for a couple of weeks. He says that they wanted us to have this before Christmas. I've known Eric for a long time and he's never taken the time to sign his name to a Christmas card much less hand deliver one so I kinda wonder what's going on. As I'm opening the card Eric is telling me that he had spent a long time looking for this particular card and that he finally found it. You would have to know Eric to know how much it means for him to go card shopping. Believe me, it's a MAJOR event! Now it gets kind of mushy about now but I will warn you that it would have been a heckuva lot mushier if I'd had my glasses with me. As it is, I open the card and look at the very small type and then look at my very short arms and then look back at the very small type and realize that I'll be reading this card at another time. Dang glasses are never around when you need them. I open it up and see a wad of cash inside the card and I look over at Eric and tell them "I can't let you do this, man". I know that Eric and Diane just recently bought a house and that money has been pretty tight for them and I just can't accept cash from them as a present, no matter how good the intentions. Eric replies (and the mushy part begins...) "We didn't do it, a whole LOT of people did" I hand the card over to Leslie to let her have a look and perhaps read the dang thing for me and as I look back I see Diane just grinning from ear to ear and Eric is doing the same thing. As it turns out, Eric had mentioned that we had been having a tough time lately to a friend of his at work. This friend dishes up a couple of Denver Broncos tickets that Eric raffles off at work. Some folks didn't care to get in on the raffle and they just pitched in a few dollars here and there too. The dollar amount isn't important here but the fact that so many people cared enough to help us out is overwhelming. For the most part these are people that don't know us and will never meet us. They cared and they shared and they made us feel incredibly lucky to have what we have in this world.

To all of you that shared... THANK YOU! The Lord works in mysterious ways and he sure back doored us on that one. I've been whining and sniveling about how I was having trouble with my faith lately and then this came along and just whacked me right upside the head and back onto the path.

Eric, Diane, Memphis and critters... You made Christmas right. You did something for us that we can never say Thank You enough. I've said it before and I'll say it again, friends are the measure of wealth in this world. You don't need to have a lot, just one or two really good friends in this world will be all the riches you will ever need. Thank you for enriching our lives.
I don't remember much about the meal we had today but I do know that I enjoyed it with friends that are family and it was a wonderful time.

As we finished our meal and our time together we ended things as we began. Hugs, handshakes and all the standard fare. While we were driving back home Leslie read the card to me and I got pretty darn misty over the whole thing again. It's a good card, Bubba. Just right.

I'll be heading down to Denver to visit with them again in January and I'm pretty excited to see them all again.

You would think that this was about as good a day as anyone could have and you'd be right. The thing is, it's just getting started.

More to come...........