Bad News Makes You Quiet

Good news makes you quiet too. I barely typed a word here for the last few years because life was grand, cancer was becoming a thing of the past and...well...life was grand.

Life sucks today.

Since I last posted we have found that the lump under Leslie's arm was cancer. Again.

She has the same breast cancer as before, only now it is at Stage IV. That's the stage right before they put you in the ground. Yea, it's scary! Her entire left side is "involved", the lymph nodes near her heart are diseased as well as the lymph nodes under her right arm. Oh, her left breast is completely clear. No cancer there. Bob is a devious little bastard.

The area under her left arm, where the tumor was removed, is still oozing fluid. They originally placed a small tube in the incision and added a receptacle to contain the fluid that drained. That lasted a week. The doctors went back, removed the tube, leaving a hole in her armpit that drained fluid. The body has a way of finding something to put into voids. The human body hates a void. It creates fluid to fill the void. Lots of fluid. With a hole left in your armpit, you would drain fluids too, Leslie is proof of that. It's been oozing since they first removed the tumor. (In case you're wondering, they removed A tumor, not ALL of the cancer. She is so far advanced that they couldn't possibly have removed all the cancer. They just took the big, obvious chunk and closed her back up. Not doubting that choice, just filling in the facts here.) So she has a hole that you could put a drinking straw into, in her nice and warm armpit. Sounds wonderful, especially when you know that the fluid produced is heavily protein rich, just the kind that bacteria love. So she got infected. She is now on antibiotics. We are hoping that she is recovered and well enough tomorrow morning to make her appointment in Aurora, CO. If she's not over the infection, she won't be well enough to be poisoned again on Thursday either. Ain't that a riot?!?

We're going to the Anschutz Medical Pavilion to gather a second opinion. Since Leslie has been diagnosed with cancer she has trusted the opinion and service of her oncologist in Cheyenne. We have ZERO doubt that she has done a wonderful job and provided the best possible care for Leslie but, since it IS stage IV, we want a second....and third...and fourth opinion...and, well, you can guess, we want someone to find a cure.

Insurance is a funny thing. Because Leslie took the initiative to save her OWN life, her oncologist did not suggest that she find a second opinion.  Ponder that.  Insurance wants a doctor to say "I spent all this time in College and Medical School and I work in this field because I care about people and I truly care about them...and by the way...here's the number of someone that you should call....that might tell you that everything I truly believe will save your life...... Is Wrong" 

That's a second opinion, folks. It's not just an ego check for a damn well trained physician, it's asking to get into a debate over a patient's care. After the initial doctor has done their very best. It is always going to be taken as an insult. I appreciate that. I mention that because the difference, to an insurance company is this: If you are told by your doctor to find a second opinion, and they recommend a second opinion, you may obtain that second opinion as part of your continuing health care. If, however, the real world intervenes and the doctor of record feels, rightfully so, that they have given you the very best advice that they can give to you because they care about you and don't want to attend your funeral and does not offer a referral to a second doctor for their professional opinion...well...you're screwed. That subtlety will cost you $500 for the first visit to the second doctor. And WAY more after that.

I am writing in a blog at midnight because I am so incredibly furious, frustrated and offended by cancer, insurance, doctors....CANCER...that I can't sleep anymore. I think that our oncologist is awesome. She cares. She really cares and would never, for a second, do anything less than save the life of my wife.

She's MY wife, I want a second opinion. A third. Did I mention the part about wanting a cure? 

 You get the idea.

We don't get to go to the second opinion because we don't have enough money to pay for it. We cancel the appointment that could:

A) Tell us that the course of treatment prescribed by her oncologist is correct, the very best treatment available and that we are in good hands, ready to have a happy life. (That's my favorite one, in case you were wondering)

B)Tell us that the course of treatment we are prescribed is quite good but that the ridiculously funded studies that they have at their disposal offer an alternative approach that offers better results (i.e., Life) and can be obtained by filling out the following form......(Ok, a new favorite...)

or...

C)You guys are screwed. Your oncologist is awesome, she's done all she can and there is nothing we can do but "make her comfortable". (Never a fave, not at all)

Again, I am whining and bitching, but it has got to come out. I want the insurance to find the best way to keep my wife alive and happy. You would too. I wish I were rich. I wish I had a cure.

I HATE CANCER!